Old Age.
When your mind and heart are truly open abundance will flow to you effortlessly and easily.
Question:
Please, can you tell me how not to dread old age? The reason I ask this is because I am watching what it is doing to my mother. I was always so close to her, and now I stand by helplessly while she lives in agony from arthritis. She was a great dressmaker and cook. House proud and proud of herself. Now, she won’t leave the house due to pain and incontinence and, I suppose, the way she looks now. The worst thing of all is, I can’t reach her. Nothing I suggest, like making an effort to come out or even going to the physio, is accepted. She won’t. She lives with Dad, who looks after her and he has a good outlook, but recently had a heart attack.
My question is—how do I live my life, which involves travel, and not feel constantly guilty, as though I should be here? When I am here, I am always there but I achieve very little. My husband is fed up, he wants to spend the cold winter months in Queensland and I feel terrible doing that and leaving mum in pain and unhappiness here. (I have asked them to come but she can’t make the journey.)
My doctor tells me this issue is the major cause of my ill health and I think he’s right. Mum’s outlook and physical condition make me feel desperate with worry.
Also, every time I give her a gift that is valuable, she ruins it by saying I have to “get it back at the end”. I can’t tell you how depressing this is.
Please, if you could answer me I would be so very grateful. I find this horrific old age very, very frightening.
Response:
Remember that your advanced years do not have to be like your mother’s. It’s difficult to care for a declining parent, but doubly so when they do not make an effort or acknowledge your time, concern and efforts. Don’t feel guilty, because no matter how much time and energy you spend there, you cannot make your mum happy, healthy and engaged in life the way she was before. That is not your job, and that’s not up to you. She would not become happy and healthy even if you were to lovingly attend to her every need 24 hours a day, 365 days a year. Your role is to ensure that she has good care and companionship. Do what you can consistent with that and don’t feel bad that you can’t make her life better. Use this experience to determine for yourself the kind of productive, fulfilling older life you will create for yourself.
Love,
Deepak
