Lesbian Considerations.
When your mind and heart are truly open abundance will flow to you effortlessly and easily.
Question:
I am a 30 year old female. I have basically lived until the age of 25 only being attracted to men. I had come upon a time in my life where I was not in a relationship doing a lot of yoga, and I was feeling not enlightened but more evolved than I had been before in my past. Then one night I just had a feeling or word come to me, and it was lesbian. Ever since then I have been fighting this though or idea of who I may be. I am in a relationship with a boyfriend. But I am experiencing a lot of suffering, pain and discomfort, and having trouble dealing with this. I left my path to be more spiritually evolved because what I found was scary. It is hard to be different than you had known yourself to be. It is hard to be different than your family, friends, and boyfriend know you to be. I am also trying to understand where this came from, and where all of sudden an attraction to females came from, when I had been attracted to only males before, and had relationship that were emotionally and physically satisfying. If you could shed any light on this experience, I would really appreciate it. Thanks for your help.
Response:
It seems you are going through some sexual confusion right now and there is no way for me to say where you will end up in this process just from what you have said in the email. One thing that did strike me however was how abstractly you described your attraction to women. It did not convey any sense of passion or longing. You describe your thoughts of being a lesbian almost the way you would describe a stray thought that has entered your mind uninvited and which you have become fascinated with and now you can’t get rid of. As far as I know, this is not a typical journey to discovering one’s sexual orientation. Genuine sexual orientation is a desire that stirs deep within, not an idea one entertains from outside.
You mention that your relationship with your boyfriend is causing you suffering and pain. But it is unclear if that is the usual relationship difficulties that ensue when two different people try to mesh their minds and hearts, or whether you were talking about the pain you are going through because you are not sexually responsive with him. If it is the latter, and you actually do have strong sexual urges to be with a woman, then you need to be honest and reflect on what are you really looking for in a sexual relationship and what kind of a partnership feels authentic for you.
On the other hand, if you are just finding heterosexual relationships difficult and imagining that a lesbian relationship will be easier and less complicated, then you need to talk to some gay and lesbian couples. They will assure you that their partnerships take just as much work, just as much give and take as any straight relationship. There is no shortcut or easy path to having a real union with another, regardless of sexual orientation.
Love,
Deepak
Dear questioner, I believe at present you want sentiment, sympathy (due to complications, discomfort when you were in relationship with man,as you described) from other females and want an emotional bondage with females. That is why you feel this feeling as lesbian feeling even though physical attraction may not be there.Even if physical attraction is there it is just an outcome of emotional attraction with other women. In fact when relationship is considered those females could be more matured,responsive and soft. Any reply from your end is fine.
Dear questioner, I believe at present you want sentiment, sympathy (due to complications, discomfort when you were in relationship with man,as you described) from other females and want an emotional bondage with females. That is why you feel this feeling as lesbian feeling even though physical attraction may not be there.Even if physical attraction is there it is just an outcome of emotional attraction with other women. In fact when relationship is considered those females could be more matured,responsive and soft. Any reply from your end is fine.