Guilt Over Grown Child.

Quote.

When your mind and heart are truly open abundance will flow to you effortlessly and easily.

Question:

I have 2 children from a previous marriage 18 and 22 the former is in university out of town and the latter works full-time but still lives at home and is partially supported by me. I told them today that I was going to the Caribbean for 2 weeks with their step father of 7 years and my son the 22-year-old took it very badly stating that his feeling were hurt that he wasn’t invited that he felt we should have invited him to go with us. I said he was an adult and that we no longer were going to pay for his vacations and that if he wanted to go away to save his money and go that he wouldn’t have fun with us anyway. I was upset by his reaction and felt guilty for not asking him but we don’t want either child to come we want to be alone. All my life I have allowed other people to make me feel bad I want to stop this especially when I feel they are being unreasonable, manipulative and cruel, to try and ruin my pleasure. Is there something I can do to stop this? I really don’t feel his anger at not being invited is my problem my problem is how I react I try not to react but I have been subject to guilt feeling where my children are concerned since I divorced their father. how do I do what I want to do in a non-guilty way. I know he will be sullen till I finally go in 10 days. Oh, just a thought … he probably is the one with the problem and needs to change not me? How do I help us both?

Response:

I think you have absorbed the important point here, that you are not going to allow your grown son to manipulate your affections into doing what is not in yours or his best interests. You just need a little confirmation that you are on the right track and to not give in to your misplaced guilt. Part of the difficulty is that you feel disappointed that your son doesn’t recognize the selfishness of his reactions and you resent being put in the position of having to play the heavy. But here you are. There’s nothing to be gained by feeling angry and sorry for yourself. Use this situation to go ahead and do what you intend to do and have fun in the Caribbean for 2 weeks with your partner. Let go of the expectation that your son needs to come around to your point of view, or that you have the power to help him if he doesn’t want help.

This is an action you need to take by yourself and for your own benefit. I’m reminded of a quote attributed to Buddha:

“But if you do not find an intelligent companion, a wise and well-behaved person going the same way as yourself, then go on your way alone, like a king abandoning a conquered kingdom, or like a great elephant in the deep forest.”

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