Ask Deepak

I am 44 years old and been struggling to leave the marriage. I chose to accept an arranged marriage after a failed relationship due to religion and from encouragement from my family. Since the start of the relationship I had trouble connecting with my spouse and we have been struggling since. I am aware that I contributed heavily to the relationship not being successful since we never had an opportunity to really create a bond in marriage even after having a child. I feel extremely guilty for ruining her life and causing so much pain, and I am very critical of myself and have been trying my best to get her to see that this is not in her best interest as well. I have been to therapist without success since they don’t seem to understand the complexities of the Indian cultural and the complexities in the marriage. It has been about 12 years and our daughter is 8 years old. I have made attempts to leave and she is not willing to accept it and doesn’t allow me to leave because she fears that she will not have a good life after a divorce. She blames me for the failure of the relationship and is not willing to accept that she also contributed to the failure. She sees herself a victim and having been having high blood pressure, which is cause of fear for me to leave her in that situation. It is essential for me to have her accept that is not the victim and she also contributed to the failure of the marriage. We have been fighting a lot about this and it is extremely painful for me to be in this situation, I feel like my life is slipping away however I feel I cannot compromise and leave without making her understand, this would be very damaging for me to deal with. It is important for me to have her see it is not in her best interest to continue with the relationship and make a choice to end it. I feel I cannot leave until she accepts that and not victimizes herself. Please provide me with some suggestions on what and how I can get her toaccept that this is not good for her to be in this unhealthy marriage.

In a relationship – when one intuitively knows that the other person is being dishonest, and possibly can prove the same, however, the partner tells you to TRUST & have faith blindly – what is the right thing to do? Believe in your STRONG INTUITION or HAVE BLIND FAITH in the other? Am lost right now & a complete dilemma.

I am just over 90 days clean and sober. The few books I have read by you have been a great help. I am very grateful.

I would like to keep my spiritual life simple. The books I have been reading I certainly understand intellectually and they sing to my heart. I truly love this new found spiritual thirst.

However, I need to keep my feet on the ground. I have not been much of a “normal citizen” and working and living in this world is a far cry different matter than living the life of a yogi which frankly seems quite appealing.

I have been doing PSM meditation faithfully twice a day for at least four or five years, and I am currently experience a lot of fear and self doubt and having trouble sleeping. Why is this?
When I take the ego test, I am totally caught up in ego…..and I don’t really have a sense of WHO I am or WHAT I truly want. How can this be? Where have I missed the boat?

I am very confused and disoriented about how my life is unfolding. I have always been a very Strong and Balanced before even though I had lots of hurdles and problems in life. But recently there have been a lot of Changes in my emotional relationships and I am unable to cope with the Change. The Change has also made me reflect on my life and its priorities. Like I have a young Daughter, 6 years old, My husband who is going through a lot of struggling phase in his Life with all his relationships and Career (which also includes me) and my job (which currently is our only support) that too is not emotionally satisfying and stable…..
I have never been materialistic and I never regard money in achievements and success so even though my job is the sole source of our family support I have to force myself to continue it even though I don’t relish it emotionally and spiritually……….I have a strong urge to change my field and be of more use to the society and the world and community….how do I balance my spiritual need in the current situation. Please Help me.

I am battling to fully understand the difference between my true nature desires and fantasy.
If nature wants us to have all abundance and wishes to fill each of our desires, how does the fantasy nature of a desire separate it from this state?
For me fantasy is a desire removed of all limits and boundaries, a wish that envisages no fear. So then why would this fantasy not be deserving of manifestation?
I am confused as to the limit of which needs and desires are attainable and which are not?

I would greatly appreciate your insight to help me better understand the topic.

If everything is one, and if other people in my surroundings are myself in a projected form (or we all are projected forms of the same consciousness), does that mean that if I heal what I call myself, I also help others heal (since what I call myself is a projected part of a common consciousness?
What I mean is not healing of others only because we´re nicer and easier as persons on an outer level when we heal, but on an inner level. That if I heal a part of my soul, also the persons in my world heals since our souls are connected?

I am trapped in a toxic marriage. I’ve tried everything possible to co-exist with my mate but when I am with him I feel dead. My problem is that I am dependent on him financially. I have had cancer and a 3 month hospital stay for depression. Most of the time I feel positive about leaving this awful relationship behind and am filled with hope and ideas for the future – then fear overtakes me and I become confused and ambivalent. My greatest fear about leaving is that I will not be financially secure and that I will never be able to obtain health insurance. I have a history of trauma and anxiety. My sense of self is very weak. I really want to embrace uncertainty – can you give me a push?

I have recently made some major changes in my life. My old job came to an end so I thought what better time to start. I decided to follow my heart and do what I feel inside. I’ve also made a commitment to try and deal with fear once and for all. On top of all this I’ve made a commitment to grow spiritually and try to better myself as a person (at least to the best of my abilities).

This change has been a jarring one however as things seemed to constantly go against me. As I went full speed ahead with what my heart told me I was here for… I fell as if I jumped off a perfectly good ship into the middle of the ocean. I know what’s right for me, I know what I should do…. but I can’t help but wonder sometimes aloud “what the heck have I gotten myself into?” I sometimes burst out laughing about this, which I don’t know how to interpret, as a stress reaction or as losing it. How do I keep it all together in times like these?