Why do I feel so alone on my path? I meditate, study, believe, and have experienced first hand remarkable medical and spiritual outcomes (disappearance of an ovarian tumor following meditation and prayer, melted away moles, know when things are going to happen before they do sometimes- i.e.: my child is about to wake in the night/the alarm clock is going to go off). I’ve had moments of profound clarity and connection. Yet, I struggle with being “in this world but not of it”. My life is very full, 4 children, a husband, wonderful family and friends. Sometimes I feel that my pull to God and enlightenment interferes with my living in the now and enjoying every moment. That is so contradictory, I know. It is very confusing to me. I feel like I am caught in the middle, and I have to get off the fence or miss everything. Again, it is a very lonely state. I realize that I am far from enlightenment, and am not striving for it, but every time I turn away, something pulls me back. I don’t want to miss a moment of my children’s’ lives preoccupied, and I spend my days focusing on that and loving them. However, the pull is always there, as is the veil. I love and am loved, but I don’t fit in. Your thoughts would be greatly appreciated.
deepak's response
It’s hard to say for sure what is causing this feeling of isolation and not fitting in, but what occurs to me from reading your letter is that you have set up an idea of spiritual life that you see to be at odds with your life of family and friends. Your family and friends are your source of fitting in and belonging, yet your concept of a spiritual ideal, emotionally separates you away from them. You think of your pull to God and enlightenment as something you can’t do while “in the world.” Conceptual ideals, especially spiritual ideals, will eventually become obstacles that insulate us from living our full spiritual potential in the present moment. Recognize that you can find God in the world and in the face of your family and friends more directly and quicker than if you strive for some other worldly spiritual connection. Once you drop the mask of spiritual separation, then I suspect you will discover that you have never been alone and have always fit in.
Love,
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The state of being in-between. This too shall pass.
I’m at the point where there’s nothing more to say. I’m trying to move into Being.
When I look inside and see that I am nothing, that is wisdom. When I look outside and see that I am everything, that is love. And between these two, my life turns. – Sri Nisargadatta
It also helps to have a spiritual group to get together with periodically and discuss these issues. You may find other people grapple with the same things and there is wisdom to be shared.
Being a mother of four–much is sacraficed to ensure they are loved and cared for. We sometimes forget to take time for ourselves. Worry of their future is always there especially if they are struggling themselves. Unfortunately spiritual life does not alway mesh with others we find ourselves surrounded by especially if we are right brained in a left brain society. I try to stay focused on my boys, pray, meditate, hypnosis, exercise when I can. You must always do what is right for you and your children and compromise with others–knowing and listening to your heart at all times.
“Recognize that you can find God in the world and in the face of your family and friends more directly and quicker than if you strive for some other worldly spiritual connection.” My husband never saw this. He has read every Deepak book and finally left his whole family and friends to find his freedom with no responsibilities!
thanks for this question as I was battling the same. I am at a point where i feel no one understands me. they worry about everything where as I have learnt to take in everything and appreciate it for my own higher good. the people around me complain at the drop of a hat, and I feel its either I spend the entire day trying to get them on my side of the fence or i just sit there and watch them and listen to them, and as a result feel alone in my knowing. will try what Deepak says