Question:
I seem to have father issues..I am sure its set some limits on my life…..my dad is 80 I am 56….I’ve asked my dad to “connect and relate” with me, to hear me correctly, to allow common ground and understanding and to join the vision……….he seems unwilling or unable to do any of that….saying things like i have more important things to do….we email a lot but its mostly fighting or him twisting what i think are good normal intentions and desires to be heard understood and feel loved(i do have lots of other loving friends)…. he mostly seeks to avoid or be a void….and this is years of this….any insight? Thanks
Answer:
Your dad is 80, clearly he doesn’t want to connect and relate the way you want him to. You have every right to state what you would like the relationship to be, but beyond that you cannot expect him to change. He is allowed to be who he is.
If he doesn’t want to join your vision, that’s his prerogative. Your job is to figure out what feeling in you is driving you to want him to change and then find that within your own consciousness. Maybe you are seeking validation or approval from your father. If you dig deeply into this you will see that what you are really looking for is self-approval, and that this isn’t about your dad’s behavior at all. When you have reclaimed your own validation, you will be fine letting your dad be himself, and you may even learn to relate to him in a whole new and rewarding way.
Love,
Deepak
